We need to talk about blinkers.  The purpose of a blinker is to
let the people around you know you're going to turn.  Why do they
need to know this?  They need to know because in order to turn,
you're going to slow down.  Hence they will have to slow down
too. 
It drives me crazy when people slow down and then put their blinker
on.  Well, thanks for the warning.  After I almost slammed my
car into yours!!!!!!!!
And what's worse is when they slow down to 1 mile an hour to turn,
they're half way through the turn, and then they signal.  WHY
BOTHER!

It would be good to be loved and cared for.

It would be nice to be treasured and held.
 

When it comes down to the plain truth 

I haven't been. 


I tried to convince myself that I was.

I believed that it was possible...

No, I believed that it was true. 



All the signs were there for me,
but I closed my eyes and kissed you.



It would be nice to have someone to share dreams with.

It would be grand to have someone to hold.



I always believed my dreams would scare you.

Most days now I'm just lonely and cold. 

I used to dream at night of touching you....

Now I force my head clear of you.



All the signs were there for me,
but I closed my eyes and kissed you.

How come nothing in my life can ever be simple.  I get stressed
over the stupidest things.  Everything makes me feel guilty and
it's gotten to the point where I don't even know what I want
anymore.  I make stupid choices to avoid changes.  I can't
seem to handle that at all.  If things change I kinda get
nuts.  I dont want to hate change.  I think I should read
that book about hte mouse and the cheese.  What was it called?

I'm so depressed.  I'm disappointed with a lot of
things in my life right now.  Things that I thought would work out
aren't.  A lot of things are changing, and not for the better.  My
financial situation sucks.  Christmas is coming up and I know it’s just going
to be a disappointment.  Thanksgiving was depressing.  I feel so
isolated from the world

Strange things are starting to happen to me.  I
don't really feel safe in my car.  I'm always locking the doors, and then
checking and re-checking that they're locked.  When I go near windows with
a closed shade I get nervous that something is going to jump out at me or
worse, jump through the glass.  In the shower I'm becoming paranoid that
something is on the other side of the curtain. 

I can't listen to music.  It just makes things worse.  I cry about
happy songs, because they’re happy.  I
cry about sad songs because they’re sad.

I can't talk to anyone about the things that are really
bothering me because nobody will understand.  I do mean that.  Not only does nobody understand why I feel
the way I feel, but nobody can understand the situation.  Trying to explain only frustrates and
depresses me.  People keep asking, so how
was Thanksgiving.   Was it nice to see people?  That just makes me want to cry.  My whole 4 day weekend was torture. 

This was acutally an accident, but I thought it was a pretty cool one. 

I am so proud of myself!  I finally made one!

It came out really good and its only my 1st one!  

BTW  that's all icing.
Happy Birthday Eric!

One
more day of work!  Then thanksgiving time.  Yesterday was
crazy, today promises to be even crazier.  I spent 2 hours
yesterday making a cake and trying to make my orange icing to turn
orange.  I haven't even begun to decorate the cake.   So
I have to do that.  But for now I have to go make my PB&J
sandwhich for lunch.   I eat like such a child. 

I
had a stressful day today.  But around 5:30 I had a half hour
break.  I decided instead of finishing my paper I would "relax a
bit"  So I decided that I would watch a DVD and play a computer
game at the same time.  I realized that although I wanted to do
both I didn't have the time.  My next realization was I'm trying
to multi-task relaxing.  I think that would be an
oxi-moron.    Well, not that any of this matters. 
I choose the DVD.  I started the 1st half hour.  I thought I
could resume when all my work was done.  That did not work! 
Which I'm kinda pissed about.  Anyway....  I think I just
have general relaxation issues. 

Why do I feel the need to be working all the time?  I feel like
any time I take to relax and enjoy myself is wasted time. 
Although at the same time I think that's it's important and a big part
of life to enjoy it I often feel guilty about doing so. 

I read this in a book:  "Humankind is made for uncertainty, struggle, choice and change." 
-Robert Jordan The Shadow Rising:  Book Four of The Wheel of Time.

Well that really doesn't have much to do with what I was saying, but I
meant to post it.  As much as I hate change, it's a part of life,
and without it we'd all get bored. 
Someone else once told me that "Humans live to struggle, they love it,
they need it.  If there was no problems in your life to deal with
you'd make them." 

Just rambling thoughts.