December 2, 2004

  • I'm so depressed.  I'm disappointed with a lot of
    things in my life right now.  Things that I thought would work out
    aren't.  A lot of things are changing, and not for the better.  My
    financial situation sucks.  Christmas is coming up and I know it’s just going
    to be a disappointment.  Thanksgiving was depressing.  I feel so
    isolated from the world

     

    Strange things are starting to happen to me.  I
    don't really feel safe in my car.  I'm always locking the doors, and then
    checking and re-checking that they're locked.  When I go near windows with
    a closed shade I get nervous that something is going to jump out at me or
    worse, jump through the glass.  In the shower I'm becoming paranoid that
    something is on the other side of the curtain. 

    I can't listen to music.  It just makes things worse.  I cry about
    happy songs, because they’re happy.  I
    cry about sad songs because they’re sad.

     

    I can't talk to anyone about the things that are really
    bothering me because nobody will understand.  I do mean that.  Not only does nobody understand why I feel
    the way I feel, but nobody can understand the situation.  Trying to explain only frustrates and
    depresses me.  People keep asking, so how
    was Thanksgiving.   Was it nice to see people?  That just makes me want to cry.  My whole 4 day weekend was torture.