February 12, 2006

• Talking to a friend of mine made me think of an old relationship.
  
  
  
  The only relationship that really ever worked for me.  The best
  one yet.  The one in which I actually loved (for lack of a better
  word to describe how I felt about this person) the person I was with it.
  
  
  
  The parameters of this relationship were very different.  There
  were no expectations, there were no obligations and there was only one
  compromise.  One from each of us. 
  
  The lack of expectation, obligation and compromise were what made the
  relationship work -- for both of us.  It worked relatively well
  for about  3 years.  However, it was also the reason it
  didn't work, because without those things there could be no long term,
  however with it, what kind of long term would there have been? 
  
  
  
  This is where my quandary comes in.  Where is the line?  The
  line that says this compromise is ok, and this one is too much. 
  How many little compromises can you make before it leads to
  resentment.  Should you have to make compromises?  Give up
  things you want for another?  What if they do it for you? 
  Does that make you obligated to do it for them?  Doesn't that lead
  to resentment in the end?  Do you have the right to be resentful,
  if you're consciously giving up something you don't want to give
  up?  Obligation makes life messy.  Is there any such thing as
  giving up something you really want because you want to be with someone
  more?  Is it that person's responsibility to say, hey you're
  crazy, you really want that, go get it?  If they really loved you
  wouldn't they say that?  Are you then just testing them by
  offering to give it up?  Are you genuinely giving it up if you're
  expecting them to let you have it because they love you too? 
  Should you really have to give up these things?  Maybe this person
  just isn't right for you, despite how you feel about them. 
  Despite the fact that living without them is the worst fate you could
  imagine.  Even though you feel like you'd be miserable without
  them, wouldn't you be at least equally tortured being with them? 
  This beautiful person that you love everything about.  You start
  to wonder why can't you just be happy with the way things are, but you
  know you can't.
  
  
  
  Next quandary, is there a
  person out there that you can love everything about, that won't cause
  compromise, obligation, and expectations you can't fulfill.  Can
  you love this person in return?  Or is life so cruel as to give
  you the most beautiful thing in the world knowing that it can't work
  out just to keep you guessing.  Just to keep you always wondering,
  did i make the right decision?
  
  
  
  
  

  • 11:53 pm
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