A demon will never take my place.  I may have fallen, but I am not
defeated.  I may be small, but I am strong.  I may be heart
broken but my heart is still kind.  I will continue to do good and
attempt to make the world a tiny bit better with my little hands.  
I may have fallen but I shall return to my rightful place in the heavens. 

Trust is such a powerful thing. It's so important. It's key to any relationship. Once trust is broken I'm not sure it can be regained. It's painfully hard to try. Doubt creeps into your head and that's the worst feeling in the world. There's no way to check and there's no way to believe. Its just horrible.

New York Times today had an article "Scientists Speak Up on Mix of God
and Science" which is always an interesting topic.  The world
seems to be moving away from religion and leaning more towards
science.  Even people who believe in religion today don't seem to
take it very seriously.  People today aren't afraid of the church
the way they used to be in lets say medieval times, where life revolved
around the church.  Religion is one of those fascinating things
that you kind of have to wait to die to find out the truth about. 
(I'm speaking today primarily from a Christian point of view) 
When you die you'll either go to heaven, or hell, or you won't. 
That's the true test. I have many problems with religion.  One of
them being if there is a God who wishes us to worship him why create
all the doubt.  I lean towards the side of religion being a
creation of humans to explain the world and hold society
together.  With the advances in science today we no longer need
religion to explain the way the world works but sadly for many of us we
still need religion for moral values.  Whether or not there is a
god doesn't really play into my dislike of religion.  There maybe
there may not be.  I don't believe in heaven or hell as it was
created by humans (in my opinion) to force people into
"behaving".  I do believe that energy can not  be created or
destroyed.  I also believe that people have a life force-- a form
of energy and when humans "die"  our life force must move
on.  Where it goes or what it moves on to is unknown to me, and
probably all other humans alive today.

“She suspected that love, though a blessing, could also be a
confining chain.  What freedom might be
lost by loving someone –or by being loved? 
She didn’t know because she had never given or received any emotion as powerful
and profound as love –or as what she thought love must be like, having read of
it in so many great novels.  She read
that love could be a trap, a cruel prison, and she had seen people’s hearts
broken by the weight of it.” 

~Dean Koontz

Dragon Tears

So I woke up this morning, I did a little yoga for stretching
purposes.  I ate breakfast (grapenuts with vanilla soy milk). I
planted the Chia Herb Garden that I got for xmas, now that I have a
picnic table to put it on.  I came up to my room and realized it
happend again.  The desk is a new disaster.  I'm not sure how
it happens, but I like to take pictures of before and after. 
It  helps motivate the cleaning process.  Orderly life.
Before:
 
 
Not Perfect, but better:

The 1st picture allows me realize that I actually did something even thoug the 2nd picture is far from perfect. 

There's no sin in
failure, only in aiming too low.  This is what they said the other
day at a high-school graduation.  It makes me think. 
Sometimes I wonder if my failure is because I aimed too low, or if it's
because I'm plain old lazy, and just decided to say, "well it's good
enough." 

I got a B in one of my classes this semster and I'm pissed
about it.  I'm mainly pissed because 1/3 of my grade was based on
a group project.  I didn't know who was going to be in my group,
and I got stuck with two people who didn't really care.  My part
and the other person who wanted an A did a great job on our part. 
The third person got me their work early and I was able to fix it, but
the last person, well, I'm not going to go there.  I just don't
agree with her point of view, and I think the teacher didn't
either.  Either way, I don't think it's fair to grade students on
group projects. 

Graduation Day for my guys!  I'm so proud of them.  I was
told today, "I was made for special ed" by my cousin.  Strangely,
I've been told that before, but I think I was only made for certain
areas of special education.  I there are somethings I simply
couldn't handle, or maybe I could and I underestimate myself. 

In other news, the picnic table project is coming along  details
and pictures to be posted.  I've decided to sand and paint my
picnic table.  Goal is to have it done by July 4th party.

Horoscope for June 22, 2005:

June 22, 2005

Calm
yourself down and get yourself organized before you spread your ideas
outward to others, Gloria. This is especially true when it comes to
matters of love and romance. As soon as this topic comes up, you tense
up and erupt in an inappropriate manner. Ground yourself and find your
center of balance - both literally and figuratively - before you
proceed. Do not worry so much about taking the upper hand. What you
really need to do is join hands.

I never really thought about it that way.  "Do not worry so much about taking the upper hand. What you
really need to do is join hands." 
Even if horoscopes aren't true, they make you think.

I
woke up the other day, and I realized I'm in a completely different
place then I thought I was.  I thought I was ready for things I am
not ready for.  I thought I could handle things that I
can't.  I'm not where I thought I was.  Something must have
triggered this realization, though I'm not really sure what it could
be. 

At my 6th grade graduation we sang a song:  "Where am I going, I
don't know.  When will I get there, I'm not certain, all I know is
I am on my way."  And I still feel that way. 

I'm afraid to move on.