December 26, 2005

  • I had the
    strangest dream last night.  I was marrying this man (I have no idea who
    he is in real life).  I was working on
    the day of my wedding.  So the time comes and I must be on prep or
    something b/c there's no kids in my classroom.  I'm all dressed in white;
    however it's not a wedding gown, but a simple white skirt with a white
    shirt.  Looking back there wasn't much thought put into that outfit. 
    Anyway, my hair is done nicely, but at this point in the day it's becoming
    messy and I'm running late so I can't fix it. 

    I walk into
    another classroom, which is no longer a classroom, but a small room with my
    groom and his family sitting around a circular table discussing the
    wedding plans.  There is some sort of argument about the plans between the
    two of us and his family.  I’m all alone
    defending my point against him and his whole family.  So it's me against
    them and of course my family is not even in the dream. I assert that it's my
    wedding and it will be done my way, and they're angry but the leave the room to
    go get ready.  I leave as well and continue down the hallway of my school
    to the place I'm supposed to be getting married in.  I meet my assistant
    principal along the way, who smiles and congratulates me and continues about
    his business. 

    Strangely, I have
    to walk through a Kindergarten classroom to get to where my wedding is being
    held.  When I walk into the room, I start crying about how I don't want to
    marry this man.  I desperately need
    someone to talk to about this but the teacher doesn’t give me any comfort.  She looks up from her lesson (her kids are
    all sitting on the carpet in her classroom listening to her, like I’m not even
    there).  She tells me I'll be fine and to just go ahead and goes right
    back to teaching.  I begin to walk into the room where I'm supposed to get
    married.  The room is shaped like a 7 and I'm walking up the spine of the
    7.  My students are standing down the sides of the hallway to watch the wedding;
    however, I can tell already that they won't be able to see me.  There are
    no chairs for them and they're all standing.  Tears are still streaming
    down my face, but for their sake I try to smile and pretend I'm happy. 
    There's no music playing so I stop and clear my throat and someone starts the
    music for the bride.  I am musically challenged and can't walk in time to
    the music.  There is no one to walk with me.  I'm walking all
    alone.  None of my friends or family are in the audience expect for my students. 

    I become more and
    more fearful with every step I take.  When I get to the top of the
    hallway, I stop to make my turn.  All the groom’s family are there
    but they're standing in the middle of the room (where I'm supposed to be
    standing to get married)  I can't see my groom and I soon realize this is
    because I wouldn’t be able to recognize him if we were the only two people in
    the room.  I begin to panic.  I have
    no idea who this man is I'm supposed to be marrying.  I'm in a room full
    of strangers and I'm all alone.  I mention to the people there that I'm
    the bride and should be the only person standing here, they look annoyed at me
    but sit on the surrounding couches.  Apparently, I'm getting married in
    this man's living room. 

    I become more and
    more angry at my groom and his family who promised me they would take care of
    all this and I would have a beautiful wedding.  The preacher is seated on
    one of the couches, and does not even stand up to begin services.  He
    begins speaking, but is saying the wrong words.  I correct him and he
    stands up and asks for his book.  I knew since before I started this walk
    that I did not want to marry this man.  I'm faced with the decision of
    turning and walking out of the room and of the wedding or standing there and
    going through with what I know would be the biggest mistake of my life.  I
    feel pressured because all my students are standing behind me.  I'm
    worried about what all these people are going to say about me.  However, I
    cannot go through with the ceremony.  I state my disgust at the way the
    groom and his family have treated me and how they arranged this wedding. 
    I state my anger at the preacher for not standing during the ceremony and not
    being prepared with the correct words.  I turn and I being my walk out of
    the room feeling just as alone as I did when I entered the room but a little
    more empowered.  Still crying I start leaving, only to wake up alone in my
    bed.