June 19, 2005

  • I
    woke up the other day, and I realized I'm in a completely different
    place then I thought I was.  I thought I was ready for things I am
    not ready for.  I thought I could handle things that I
    can't.  I'm not where I thought I was.  Something must have
    triggered this realization, though I'm not really sure what it could
    be. 

    When I was a little kid I wanted to grow up and get married and have
    kids.  When I became a teenager, I wanted to go to college and
    have a carrer, and get married and have kids.  As college
    approached an end, I wanted to get my masters degree, get tenure as a
    teacher, get married, probably have kids.  I'm now getting my
    master's degree, working towards tenure starting in September, I don't
    really need/want to get married right now, I'm thinking no on the
    kids.  I've achieved or am close to achieving all the goals I've
    set for myself.  For the first time in my life I've come to the
    point where once those goals are achieved, I have no idea what my new
    goals will be.  Will my life become boring or meaningless. 
    Or will that finally be the time where I get to enjoy life and relax a
    little?  Will I be bored with a simple life?  Will I find
    somene to share life with?  I think I need someone to take me on
    grand adventures because I dont know if I can do simple. 

    At my 6th grade graduation we sang a song:  "Where am I going, I
    don't know.  When will I get there, I'm not certain, all I know is
    I am on my way."  And I still feel that way.